How to Get Back Into the Dating Game After a Really Bad Breakup

How to Get Back Into the Dating Game After a Really Bad Breakup

A Tinder account is *not* required. 

In honor of Ex-Files WeekThe Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Siggy Flicker is taking over as Guest Editor. For one whole week the relationship expert is sharing advice for those just getting out of a relationship and those trying to stay in one. She also has a lot of opinions when it comes to your favorite celebrities’ love lives. It’s all leading up to our new series A Night With My Ex, which explores what happens when former couples reunite…for one night only. Check back each day for exclusive content straight from Siggy herself, and don’t forget to catch the premiere on Tuesday, July 18 at 10/9c.

There’s nothing that heals the heart like time, but it’s always good to immediately get out there. You often need somebody to get over somebody. 

If You Were the Problem...

There are some people who go through a breakup, and they’re the depressed ones, and they’re the Debbie Downers. If that’s you, it's time for you to really say, “Hey, I need a dating detox. I need to figure out what it is inside me that is making me so miserable.” Different people have different issues, so it’s always good to do a dating detox. If you’re not happy with yourself, then how do you expect somebody else to love you? Would you want to date yourself? You know when I was single, I was like, "I’d want to date Siggy Flicker. Siggy Flicker’s amazing. I think she’s loud and funny and wants the best for everybody and has a heart of gold." Now if it were a problem, and I was continuously getting dumped because of that, I would need a little bit of self-reflection. Whatever it is, if it’s you, you are self-destructing. You are in a bad place in life, but the worst thing for you is to get out there, because you’ll be doing the same thing over and over again and not expecting the same results. You gotta work on you. And I have a chapter dedicated to the Dating Detox in my book

If You Weren't the Problem...

The best way to get over a broken heart is to get back out there. Because what a lot of people do is they feel, “Oh my God, I was so upset, he was everything to me, or she was everything to me,” and then they stay down and then they give that person the power, the power to control their lives, even though that person is not in their lives.

Ask Yourself This Question

The first step for dating again is to ask yourself one question: What are your passions? I ask people, what are you passionate about? Is it music, photography? Outside of work and your group of friends, what are you interested in? Take a class. You don’t have to go to a bar and sit down at a bar to meet somebody. There are different book clubs, different things. People love religion, so join a local church or synagogue. If you like reading books, join a book club. If you like dancing, go take a dance lesson. What happens when you take a dance lesson or a photography class at NYU? What if you join a bowling league or you love animals so you volunteer at an animal shelter? What happens to me when I’m doing something that I’m passionate about is my whole face relaxes. I no longer look desperate. And you’re a lot more attractive when you’re not desperate or standing in a bar checking out other people when they walk in, or thinking, "Who’s looking at me? Who’s gonna buy me a drink?" 

Network, Network, Network

A client once said, "I'm a horrible cook, but I love to cook." I said go take a cooking class. She said, "I’m not a lesbian, I’ll meet other women in there." Who cares. Maybe you’re not into women, but you’ll meet other people. She ended up going to the cooking class. Everybody was friends by the end of class. They go out to lunch, they go out to dinner, they go out for a cup of coffee, they get to know each other. Two women in the class are like “You're single? I have a brother.” The other one said, "I have a boss." Well Samantha now is married to one of their brothers, and she just had her third child. So you never know, it’s all about networking. It’s a different kind of networking when you’re networking at work or networking with your friends. This is your network that selfishly is all yours.

Get Out There

There are a hundred things that people can do. All you have to do is Google what’s happening locally, whether it’s a festival or they need volunteers at the hospital or the animal shelter, or taking that class on a Wednesday night and operating a camera and taking beautiful pictures…whatever it is, it’s out there.

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