Buying a House Together Changes a Relationship — Here's How to Move in without Fighting

Our Vanderpump Rules SURvers are all grown up, with, like houses and everything.

Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright are set to tie the knot this summer; Ariana Madix and Tom Sandoval are in a really good place, marriage or not. Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney-Schwartz are settling into their new Bubba digs. All three couples recently purchased homes. And that's a huge deal obviously. It means you plan on staying together forever. Doesn't it?

But with a house comes a lot of bills, personal design choices, and, unfortunately, some fights. Here to tell Personal Space how to keep the peace when moving in and actually making your house a home is Francesco Bilotto, design and entertainment expert, who has seen many couples butt heads once they've actually moved in. It's all fantasy, after all, until reality sets in. You've spent a lot of money and you want it your way — but compromise is necessary.

Here is his advice:

"Don’t be so precious and final about your design selections," Bilotto says. "Realize that it’s OK to change your mind along the way. Designing is a moving breathing thing in a sense and will never 100 percent be like the vision board you created."

"Don’t get pissy if your spouse had or buys something ugly," he says. "Just let them have it in the space, act like you like it —and then accidentally break or burn it in a few months. When it comes to paint colors, picking out fabrics and furniture, or even overall themes, it might take you a few tries, months, or years to get it 'right' unless you’re working with an expert designer (and we get it wrong sometimes, too)."

"Art is probably one of the most personal items that reflect your taste. When selecting for your home with a partner or spouse find common interests instead of his or her favorite pieces. For example, if you both love the ocean, then a framed and enlarged photograph of the ocean should be your easy and enjoyable go-to and theme in a room. Or, If he likes edgy abstract canvas and you like Parisian posters, find a common ground in that and look for colors and shapes within both to compromise on. Wen in doubt, hang a mirror," he says.

"Minimalist or maximalist? How do you find the happy line between a couple? Well, you don’t, one of you will have to cave. Hard truth, folks," Bilotto says.  

"Save yourself and your partner the stress and don’t involve anyone else like your parents or friends when making large design decisions. They don’t live there and should have zero impact in swaying your color choices, decor, and any purchases. Let them decorate their own damn house. Only rely on your own personal wants and needs plus use the help or hire any trusted designers or design services that are available online."

"People often move into a home not knowing how they will actually utilize and enjoy each room," Bilotto says. "Don’t hurry to finish up everything so you can impress your friends. Keep your relationship with your partner as a learning one during this time to get to know each other’s 'likes' more before buying anything large in scale or permanent. Live in the place for a while and let yourself unfold into it. See what’s best in terms of colors, furniture and accessories after a few weeks or months of living there."

Finally, he says, Pinterest is "not real life," so "stop it" when it comes to trying to recreate perfection.

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